Saturday, May 3, 2014

If - With apologies to Rudyard Kipling

If you can get elected President twice By doing nothing more than sounding nice

If you can insult both your friends and your foes

While allowing that your foes would make better bros

If you can say of Government spending “We need More”

While on sits Error 404

If you can give yourself credit while nothing is working

While in the Crimea the Russians are lurking

If for a stimulus you spend a trillion dollars WITH A “T”!

And there is nothing to show for it except a golf trip to Hawaii

If you can spend money for Solyndra and not for XL Keystone

And there’s no money for ships but y’all get a free phone

If from a terrorist attack in Benghazi, you do not fear

You look at the teleprompter and smile from ear to ear

And then say, No it’s really a video. That’s what I hear

While of lives lost you don’t shed a tear

If you can talk to dictators and Moolahs and keep an open mind

But can’t talk to republicans ‘cause you know their evil kind

For there will be doubters and haters, it’s true

For that there’s the IRS and the NY Times too

If you can listen to people talk using the NSA

While talking about freedom to marry if you’re gay

And complaining about women’s lack of equal pay

If you can do all that and still pay women less than men

You need not worry. You have a phone. You have a pen

If you can blame all your problems on Talk Radio or Fox News

By saying about them – they’re no more than a ruse

If you can say to people “Your doctor you can keep”

While people needing doctors sit at home and weep

And the Unions who supported you, ahead of the line they leap

If after all the good this country has done

All you see is some yokel with a gun

If you can take a great constitutional republic

And risk it all on an untried game of economic pitch-and-toss

And never breathe a word about the country’s loss

There’s nothing to fear. You won the election. You’re the boss